A Time for Change

For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NLT)

 

 

 

             The wise writer of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon, knew that there was a time for everything to occur and that to go beyond that time would render one irrelevant, off base and ineffective. And the same is also true for when we need to cling closely to our children when they are young, and to let them go when they grow up. If we try to hold tightly to them when it is no longer appropriate, then we run the risk of driving them away from us or worse yet, the possibility of them making poor choices in their haste to get away from us.

              Of course we want our children to know that no matter what happens, we will always be there for them, whether it’s to offer advise, to provide help, or to have a soft place for them to land when life hits them hard. Keeping the lines of communication open is of paramount importance. Our role as parents doesn’t come to a hard stop just because they want to move out, no matter HOW happy we are for them to get out of our hair! They will continue to need our guidance and for us to share our valuable life experiences with them.

              And so that is where I am right now. My only daughter is moving out this weekend and even though I still have one more college student and a middle-schooler living at home, there’s a tug on my heartstrings with her anticipated move. We have an excellent and open relationship and I believe that I have laid the right foundation for her to grow and live by. But this is still hard for me none the less. I will commit her care and safety into the Lord’s hands and pray for her always. I must heed King Solomon’s words that this is her season for change to occur. And mine too.

Emtying the Nest – Part 3

              A transition, according to Dictionary.com, is “a movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another”. This indicates to me that it is not a passive thing that just happens to us, but an active and dynamic action that we participate in. So when we are in the process of emptying our nest, which is another active, dynamic act ( teaching and preparing the kids to assume their roles as responsible young adults on their own, helping them pack, etc.) we are actively participating in the process. Unfortunately, a lot of us become inert when faced with this transition. We get depressed, we isolate ourselves, and we then are not active participants in the process. We long for what was instead of reaching for what can be. In order to go through this phase and come out intact and healthy, we need to be active about it. Seek out activities that we enjoy, meet up with friends, look for new opportunities whether it is returning to school, getting back into an exercise routine, picking up a new (or resuming an old) hobby. The opportunities are endless and now you have much more free time. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to volunteer with a charitable organization. Whatever feeds you mentally, spiritually or physically. And by physically I DON’T mean going on an all-out EATING RAMPAGE!!!

              The point is this is YOUR TIME! Embrace it and take the most advantage of it. That’s what I am starting to do. This blog is an example of my reaching for something I’ve always wanted to do. And I am sure that you have so many ideas, dreams and aspirations for what You want to do. Let me know what you are thinking about. Let’s swap and share ideas. As we embrace these ideas and embark upon new adventures for ourselves, we will grow and evolve and better ourselves and the world around us. And that’s the best part of all!

                                  Don’t be Afraid of CHANGE Because

                  It is Leading You to a NEW BEGINNING

                                              -Joyce Meyer

Emptying the Nest – Part 2

In anticipation of my own emptying nest, I’ve started looking at this whole period as a time of transition for me. Transitioning from being a full-on, all consumed, full-time parent, to being a still full-on parent on a more part-time basis. 4 of my 5 children are grown, 2 are out of the house and 1 is about to move on April 1st. My daughter is the one moving soon. I believe because she is my only daughter, this is the reason why all this has hit me so hard. When my oldest 2 boys moved, it seemed I barely blinked. I still had 3 more in school, requiring shuttle service (to and from school, sports activities, church outings, friend’s houses, etc.) and of course the normal, fulltime parenting activities required by elementary school aged children. Fast forward to now where Bree and Melvin can drive themselves, have their own jobs and college schedules and we may go a day or so without seeing each other (especially since I work 12 hour nights and sleep during the day) Only DJ, my 13 year- old, needs a little shuttle service. And with the advent of all the electronic gadgets (namely his iPhone) he is plugged in a lot of the time!
I’m trying to view all these changes in a positive light, of course. I’m proud of the fact that my children are becoming independent, productive members of society, who can function on their own. I intellectually know that if they run into problems, they will come to me and seek my help because I’ve always let them know that I am there for them, no matter what, my love for them is unconditional, and that I’ve ‘got their back’.
Still and all, girls tend to tug on their mother’s hearts. Of course I worry for Bree with all the crazies out there. I know she will be alert and cautious. As a Christian, I entrust her everyday to God’s care and protection. But still you know how it is…..
So truly this is a transitional time for me. DJ will be graduating high school in 5 years and then he’ll be off to college. I’m looking for new opportunities, not just to ‘kill time’, but to not only enjoy myself but to also try to make a real, positive difference in the world in my own small way. It seems I’m starting from scratch, but hopefully something will grab my attention. I am looking forward to ideas from you to spark my interest! I will be talking more about transitions in upcoming posts.

EMPTYING THE NEST: The Intro

Hi to all. Let me tell you a little bit about me and this blog. My name is Jackie. I have 5 children (4 boys and 1 girl) ages. 34, 25, 21, 19 and 13. They have kept me joyfully and happily busy. I am also a neonatal intensive care nurse. I like to say that like Gerber, caring for babies has been my only business for 27 years. So you see, my profession and my family are my passions. Along the way, I was married for 18 years, but it ended in divorce because my ex-husband’s drug abuse threatened to tear my family apart. So I’ve been raising the kids by myself. I’m happy to say that so far my children have turned out fairly well. The 2 oldest boys are grown and out the house, so now it’s just me and the younger three. Which brings me to why I’m writing this blog. My 19-year-old daughter is planning to move out on her own in a month. She’s a sophomore in college and works 2 jobs. I’m very proud of her but I really don’t want her to move out. My 21-year-old son will be transferring to an out-of-state college probably by next Spring. So that will leave me with my 13-year-old. Now most folk would probably be saying “Hallelujah”!  But ever since my daughter has told me she was going to move, I’ve been looking at myself and wondering, “Wow! What do I do now”.  This question I’ve actually been pondering for a while now. Once Bree and Melvin started off to college nearly 2 years ago, I’ve found myself with much more free time. No more dropping them off and picking them up from school…no more running to their track meets, basketball games, taking them here and there. They drive, they have their own schedules, agendas, itineraries…… So now I have more free time. And I feel kinda lost. I’m so used to having a lot of kids around me, my kids, their friends hanging out, just a happy full house. I work 12 hour nights at a hospital so over the years my social life hasn’t exactly been bursting at the seams. But don’t get me wrong. This ISN’T a ‘poor little me’ blog. This is a journey, an exploration, if you will, of what’s next for me. The opportunities and options are wide open! But I just don’t know what. So join me in this journey. Insights, ideas, your input, I’m open and welcoming it. Let me know how you’ve coping with ’emptying out the nest’.  I believe we can embark on this trip together and learn from each other. And hopefully we’ll help someone along the way.